A Valentine’s Letter to My Daughter’s Father

valentine's letter

Disclaimer: This is a very personal post, with personal content and sentiments. If you are someone who is uncomfortable or feels intrusive reading something sappy, then this post probably isn’t the one for you.

 

Dear Isaac,

We met while both of us worked at a local fast food joint. While we quickly became friends, my initial interest in you wasn’t returned and we stayed friends for a year and a half. We were best friends really, I remember so many nights walking next door to your apartment and hanging out until 4 am in our last year of college. All-nighters cramming for organic chemistry tests, sleeping through our 8 am Organic Chemistry class on so many days, driving into town for fast food, listening to trap rap and watching you play 2K or watching Trailer Park Boys on repeat. The whole time I kinda loved you… a lot.

Those days feel like a lifetime ago, but really it was only a year ago. Now we are completely different people in a completely different place in our lives, and we’re doing it together. You are still my best friend, but you are so much more now.

We ended up moving in together, thinking since we were such good friends we’d be good roommates and we both desperately needed a place to live. While the beginning was rough we quickly found out that we were better as more than roommates. We weren’t together long before we were surprised with the gift of pregnancy. We were scared and had hardly a clue how we would handle this change in our relationship’s infancy. Together we weathered my pregnancy, which was a battle of hormones. You were getting used to my quick to snap side, always on your toes, ready for me to bite. I was getting used to the precious baby growing inside my belly, the aches, the kicks, the morning sickness, and the flat-out exhaustion. While I mostly worked day shift, you worked night shift and sadly we mostly saw each other in passing.

Our longtime friendship turned it a deep love and partnership as we worked to ready the house for our baby girl. Our journey really didn’t start though until the day she was born. I’ll never forget her birth, not just because it was when I met the most important person in my life, but because of you. You were my hero. You cheered me on when I said could not go on, when I screamed and cried in pain when I begged for it to stop. You held my hand, you helped me push, you answered my every need. I love you so much just for that very day.

Bringing home our baby was so thrilling. I remember getting to the car and looking at you, so excited to bring her home and begin our family, not knowing the difficulties that lie ahead.

Being a new parent is incredibly hard. Neither of us had a DAMN clue. We were both exhausted and had zero compassion for the other’s feelings or emotions, we only had enough energy to care about Jo and ourselves. She was a hard newborn, plus the difficulties I had breastfeeding and working through my baby blues made the first month a disaster. I wanted to kill you most of the time. I was anxious to be left home with the baby all day. I refused to sleep when she slept because I was terrified of SIDS. I couldn’t see all of the hardwork you were putting in, working and then watching Jo late into the night, because I was so tired and consumed with my own difficult journey.

As the time has gone on and we’ve learned about our baby, we’ve also learned about ourselves. We’ve learned about what works for us as parents and as a couple. You know I’m 100% more obsessive about cleanliness and things being put up than ever before. I know you need your time to decompress at the end of your 12 hour work days. You need my emotional support when you get anxious and stressed from work and I need you to spend time with the family so I don’t feel alone.

We are still learning how to be parents and how to parent together. But I wouldn’t want to do this crazy thing with anyone else. You’ve blessed me with the biggest joy of my life, my daughter. She is a light in my world shinning so bright I hardly care about anything else. I care about you though.

I care about your health and your mental state. I wish for your success and you to follow your dreams. I want you to feel loved and to come home to a warm, clean, welcoming house after a long day at work. I care about the future we are building for Jocelyn and our future children.

I love you. You are my rock. You are the father of my daughter. You are my partner. Thank you for making me a mom and supporting me to be a better mom everyday. Thank you for all that you do for us.

Love,

Sydny

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